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MrsJones
Age: 42
Joined: 26 Jun 2007
Posts: 4
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I miss my husband. I really do. He's traveling and I'm home all alone and this rain sucks and I want company. So, I'd like to propose the following:
I'm looking for a surrogate husband, just for today. I will cook a great meal for you and greet you at the door wearing nothing but lingerie.
You must agree to:
-- come home by 7 but not actually show up until 8:00. Please don't apologize for being late and don't call to let me know you are late.
-- walk in the door without actually greeting me.
-- The first words out of your mouth, after you get out of the bathroom, should be: "What's for dinner?"
-- Take your plate from the table and walk into the living room and sit down in front of the TV, leaving me alone.
-- Put your feet up on the coffee table, chew with your mouth open and ask me to grab you a beer.
-- Not compliment me on the fact that the house is clean or that the food that took me several hours to cook is any good.
-- ignore me for the rest of the night and watch baseball instead.
-- tell me to stop when I try to cuddle up to you on the couch and ask me to get you a beer instead.
-- come to bed without having showered after being out all day.
-- fart in bed and then fluff the covers.
-- wake me up to ask me for a blow job.
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jongriffin
Age: 28
Joined: 04 Sep 2007
Posts: 83
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Would you consider this?
I will greet you at the door, not caring what you made for dinner as I stopped at TacoBell on the way home and didn't pick you up anything because it is not helping your weight issues. Knowing that I wish I was still at work because the stress is not as bad, I would prefer a stiff Jack and coke or 2 at that to mute your voice. I won't compliment you on cleaning as your ass was home all day doing nothing but complaining to your girlfriends as I work my ass off to come home and be miserable. I could care less at this point if the house is clean. I hate baseball, I would rather watch some racing but I will probably be drinking myself stupid and surfing Myspace flirting with random girls. After this I might ask you to clean up my mess that I have just made which is fine. Then I would head out to meet up with "the boys" and come home at 3 in the morning smelling like perfume.. Don't worry, I wont be asking for a BJ as I will come home completely satisfied and crawl into bed ever so gently, so that I don't wake you up... because trust me, you need your beauty sleep!
Were not really like us, ok Im not... but I had to post this as my reply!
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ElixirCrack
VIP Member
Age: 30
Joined: 25 May 2007
Posts: 15
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| jongriffin wrote:
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Would you consider this?
I will greet you at the door, not caring what you made for dinner as I stopped at TacoBell on the way home and didn't pick you up anything because it is not helping your weight issues. Knowing that I wish I was still at work because the stress is not as bad, I would prefer a stiff Jack and coke or 2 at that to mute your voice. I won't compliment you on cleaning as your ass was home all day doing nothing but complaining to your girlfriends as I work my ass off to come home and be miserable. I could care less at this point if the house is clean. I hate baseball, I would rather watch some racing but I will probably be drinking myself stupid and surfing Myspace flirting with random girls. After this I might ask you to clean up my mess that I have just made which is fine. Then I would head out to meet up with "the boys" and come home at 3 in the morning smelling like perfume.. Don't worry, I wont be asking for a BJ as I will come home completely satisfied and crawl into bed ever so gently, so that I don't wake you up... because trust me, you need your beauty sleep!
Were not really like us, ok Im not... but I had to post this as my reply!
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That's absolutely disgusting...who would pollute their Jack with Coke??? 
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Niplash
Age: 49
Joined: 06 Sep 2007
Posts: 18
Location: Oakville
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| ElixirCrack wrote:
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| jongriffin wrote:
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Would you consider this?
I will greet you at the door, not caring what you made for dinner as I stopped at TacoBell on the way home and didn't pick you up anything because it is not helping your weight issues. Knowing that I wish I was still at work because the stress is not as bad, I would prefer a stiff Jack and coke or 2 at that to mute your voice. I won't compliment you on cleaning as your ass was home all day doing nothing but complaining to your girlfriends as I work my ass off to come home and be miserable. I could care less at this point if the house is clean. I hate baseball, I would rather watch some racing but I will probably be drinking myself stupid and surfing Myspace flirting with random girls. After this I might ask you to clean up my mess that I have just made which is fine. Then I would head out to meet up with "the boys" and come home at 3 in the morning smelling like perfume.. Don't worry, I wont be asking for a BJ as I will come home completely satisfied and crawl into bed ever so gently, so that I don't wake you up... because trust me, you need your beauty sleep!
Were not really like us, ok Im not... but I had to post this as my reply!
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That's absolutely disgusting...who would pollute their Jack with Coke???
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I think it makes baby Jesus cry when you do that. Coke is bad, M'kay.
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_________________
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
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Devo
Age: 27
Joined: 12 Mar 2008
Posts: 1
Location: portland
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| is your husband still traveling? I'll come over
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